My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
