Jerry, you need to find god
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
