I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
