meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
