I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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