You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
