sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
