I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
