I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
