Life is so much better after having sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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