sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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