How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Two words: blizzard sex
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
