the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
