It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
