Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
