i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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