Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
