Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
