Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
