I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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