addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
