Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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