Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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