Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
