apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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