Define "chronic" masturbator.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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