I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
