just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
