I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
