I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
