i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
worst night to have a conscience
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
