What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
