The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
