I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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