dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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