mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
