so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
