took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
