drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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