you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
