I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
