I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
