I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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