She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
