I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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