That's intense
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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