she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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