I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
