so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
