i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
