My sheets look like a crime scene.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
