So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
