If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
