I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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