im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He better not be in your backpack
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
