so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
